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apathy is harder than it looks
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24.8.09
Wisdom
You left me a week after
they took my teeth out.
They said the holes in my
mouth wouldn't fill in for
six months. You are scheduled
to return in three.
My old habits remain.
I grasp for intimacy.
I get stuff stuck where I once
reliably had teeth.
I wish for a wall of hard enamel love.
Something I can lean on and leverage off.
Instead I feel abyss.
I fear an infection will overrun
my mouth.
Absences lead to abscesses.
I keep my wounds bleeding
clean so you will have
a spot when you return.
14:43
25.6.09
WELCOME TO ATLANTA
the world is a complex place.
I noticed this today.
So many people get angry and scared by this.
They react. They fight every individual battle that is possible in order to avoid dealing with the big ugly mother-smothering problems.
I stare into the complexity and am not afraid. I do not accept it, but I let it flow through me like a jolt of electrical current.
20:24
20.6.09
because blogs are supposed to be pretty
a picture of pearl street 80 years ago
13:53
This is my first post in over a year.
Tumblr is for people with way too short of an attention span.
I wonder if Ice Cube likes it.
When I had half-typed a google search on "how to" I was bemused by the possibilities the auto-suggest had to offer in this order:
how to tie a tie
how to kiss
how to get pregnant
thank you internet. you bring a warm glow into the hearts of the hormoneless.
13:01
12.1.07
My brother had recently been ripped off. He took in his eLxus to an exotic car repair shop when toxic fumes started coming out of the heating vents. To replace the damaged parts that were allowing toxic fumes to enter the cabin the mechanics had to completely remove the dashboard and dig several feet toward the front of the car. When my brother got his car back fume-free the airbag light was on.
We called the repair shop and the mechanic who shoveled the Lexus from the inside out claimed that the light had been on before the started working on it.
The next day we drove in to talk to the mechanic. We walked up to the box of a desk and talked with a man who stood polishing some cyclindrical part neither of us recognized.
"Can I help you?" he smiled.
"Yes, we're here about the 1999 Lexus ls you worked on the other day." I said.
"Ah yes the warning light. Jim said that it was on when we received it."
"Well I drove it here and am certain that it was not on."
"You have your story and I have mine. What can we do about it?" he shrugged.
"No, the question is what are you going to do about it. The choice is yours, but it is not the choice you think it is. You have the option of either fixing the car and avoiding an angry customer that will do all that he can to defame you or you can choose to do nothing and play with higher stakes. I ask that you remember this for when we come back to sue you for malpractice because someone riding in the car splattered their brains upon the dash."
I slammed my fist on the table and a mechanic looked up from across the garage.
"Are you threatening me?"
"No, only trying to enlighten you to what is best for your business."
"I think it would be best for my business if you left."
"We'll see how your business fares when you are owning us millions for damages."
I hastily turned and left before he could respond, my brother following awkwardly behind me.
As we drove home I told him, "They're just like a cat that has chased a rat into a steel crafting plant. They've managed to dodge a few presses here and there but sooner or later Wham! the hammer comes down and all you're left with is cat paste."
"Cat paste?"
"Cat paste."
16:22
19.8.06
are there always exceptions to generalizations?
post-modernism says yes. but for yes to be the answer there must be an exception to the rule which means there are some generalizations that are exceptional in that they have no exceptions. What are these generalizations?! How many? How do we find them? this is the most important thing in the world.
05:32
28.5.05
Several thoughts on morality:
Morals, instincts and values are all bullshit. They are a result of a lack of conscious thought and a unrealized use of unconscious thought. People who have them, live by them, believe in them are misleading themselves. The human mind is great at weighing massive amounts of arguements and evidence for different attittudes and beliefs. This is good as long as the person knows that they are doing so. If she don't realize this, she will become prone to thinking that she holds the "intuitive" view and is right. She don't realize that moral, instincts, and values are a result of all the evidence she has unconsciously collected and summarized throughout her life. Many people live like this, operating out of these unconsciously-created biases, believing in themselves or a higher idea. Don't trust ideas with uncertain sources. Don't follow your instincts. Don't trust your gut. All of these ways of reasoning, deciding, and living are flawed and will create a distorted world view.
11:48
13.4.05
my sadness grows like the zones of construction. the sadness during sex that is out of place. it sets in right before you climax, when you realize this cannot go on forever, that in ten seconds you will be alone again and you will never become one. Your head thrashes back, breaking the build-up. Your synapses snap, separating you from this painful goodness that has built such pressure throughout your body. You forget it all and slip into the loneliness of a buzzing world.
12:20
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