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apathy is harder than it looks
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7.9.03
~ALERT~ ~ALERT~ ~ALERT~ ~ALERT~ ~ALERT~
As your children prepare to reenter the real world from the outer space that is high school, we find it necessary to notify you there will be a four year period of radio silence. During this communications blackout, you will be unable to see, hear, touch, taste, or smell your children. Some of these are good, some of these are bad; what is important is that you continue sending them money so they may purchase exotic animals such as the kinkagou and the gorilla until they are kicked out of college because their of the manner their horde of wild animals has instituted a reign of terror over the dorm by engaging in such practices as defecating in the ears of the inhabitants as they sleep.
~Brought to you by the Department of Life Affairs (life affairs such as the playing of frisbee on the top of the dorm at 2am and the tobboganing down three flights of fecal-matter-covered stairs protected only by a thick layer of stupidity)
Editor's note: The Department of Life Affairs does not imply nor deny any such aforementioned activity nor the ritualistic slaying of toaster ovens. Some of these may or may not have happened depending on whether or not we acquired adaquate funds. We are always in need of funds so please send us money or at least hate mail and bombs. Be sure to clearly label the donations as such on the envelope and the hate mail as such in a corresponding manner so we may respond to your hate mail by sending you so much junk mail asking for money that your house will fill up with it and you'll have to swim through the mail to get around and do everyday things such as ritualistically slaying your toaster oven and eventually you will accidentally swallow some mail and get massive interal paper cuts along your esophagus and bleed to death and die.
15:35
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