|
"
apathy is harder than it looks
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
31.10.02
"Goodnight Neal, tommarrow..."
22:25
29.10.02
I've got this pain in my heart, that's all...
23:37
this is the start of something...an english paper perhaps
Something is rotten in the Canandaigua Academy. A force so ominous it is on the verge of tearing apart the student body like a dog in heat… I mean a hot knife through butter. Anyway this menacing force can be and must be stopped now before it can create any more damage. In fact this force is the separation of student already. Yes my friend, I talk of cliques. Cliques brought on my social and economic inequalities that are not only self-perpetuating, but also self-augmenting. Social divisions like these lead to hate, embarrassment, and needless turmoil throughout the high school years; particularly in physical education, where students of the opposing cliques are given the opportunity to beat the living crap out of others outside of their group of friends when the gym facilitation turns his back.
This is why I advocate nudism. Yes, nudism. School mandated nudism would solve all of the school’s problems. First of all, that gluttonous leech of school funding: physical education would have to be abolished due to general nastiness and an inability of students to change. Students, suddenly more visible than before, will become concerned with their physical appearance and will exercise upon their own. It would be impossible for students to mock each other due to the brand of clothing they wear. And although there would be some initial shock involved, people would eventually learn to look beyond each other in their physical sense and more for the person they really are. There would be no problems with having people scant clothing. Public displays of affection would be unanimously outlawed. Our school would develop world-class orators used to seeing their audience in the buff and being in the buff themselves so standing up clothed in front of others will be a truly trivial matter. Small men, who often feel incompetent because of their diminutive stature and therefore act very meanly toward others, would be put into their place. They would have to keep their mouths shut in a nudist school because they would always have something to be made fun of. Both antichrists, Hitler and Napoleon, were remarkably short men. If they had lived in nudist societies they probably never would’ve gained as much respect and as many followers as they did.
Of course, the school would have to be made more energy efficient and the temperature cranked up, but think of how students would then rush to get to school to be in the warm environment. Money lost over heating could be compensated by that otherwise spent on uniforms. Parents would save on clothing bills as well. There would be fewer clothes to wash and dry. Electrical dryers are some of the biggest consumers of electricity around the household so not having clothes to wash would save enormous amounts of money on electrical bills.
My idea may sound a bit radical at first, but please give it a chance. The future state of our school is in peril. I recommend calling the superintendent and telling him how strongly you feel about it. His number is (585) 396-700. Thank you.
22:26
28.10.02
to be a hypocrite is to risk complete acceptance or complete rejection. that is a risk I am willing to take.
"I have heard such protestations
every day for twenty years
let's have no more explanations
save your breath and save your tears
honest work, just reward,
that's the way to please the lord"
~javert
people are to sex
bible is a big fat lie
staplers are to staple
At least if no one likes you, you cannot be hated by association.
06:27
27.10.02
Here are some emo poems I wrote a while ago (may and august):
I...
can't sleep - brain is bothering me
can't eat - stomach sickening me
can't yawn - jaw just too damn tired
I...
can't smile - want to fall and cry
can't stand - fall to my knees and die
can't frown - just let out a sigh
Damn girl - back on my feet again
Damn love - never trust again
Damn world - never stops when I say when...
I'm sick of what I am
I'm sick of what I do
I'm sick of all my friends
I'm sick of you
I want to run away
I want to escape
I want to fly
I want to die
I want to feel pain
22:18
I hear a possessed five-year-old-like scream and I laugh. Then I realize that it is my mother yelling at my father to get out of the house and I think of how messed up I'm going to be when I'm older.
my mother is a walking, talking, swearing defence mechanism.
I hate my parents.
22:12
what sucks is I want to be alone, but talk to someone at the same time. not talk, but have them listen. not just listen, but have them comprehend and care.
02:02
Ahh! that last post was utterly comprehensible! I will make up for it here with a stream of consciousness: cailin mother out of the house only why nuts mile marker dan boobies crash waves monkeys cheese crap I messed up I am dumb mj? so uncomfortable could it be the sweater? manly? manliness? blame father. blame parents. blame everyone. egoist is good egotism is bad. ask me about it. ich bin ein auslander. only here in russia could such atrocities exist persist? mmm bolchevicky.....hooky with abraham lincoln hopscotch scotchober. uber umtow or however you say it dang sweater itching greasy knee hurts krosan land beast more loser-like than dan and brian to love oneself is the start of a lifelong relationship~oscar wilde what kind of person spells wilde with an 'e'?
crap publish plumbing what is that card give it up you need sleep stuff to do tommarrow my brain is overloading itself
01:57
I am going to stay up all night watching movies. I have time bandits under my belt. Next I am taking on les miserables. If I have more time I'll listen to the entire "the wall" album and make significant progress in my book. I love daylight savings time almost as much as I love sleep.
01:50
it's early in the morning and I ain't got nothing but the blues....
01:47
23.10.02
This entry is to clarify what Brian meant in his journal by "guy talks". By "guy talks" he is referfing to any references made to meghan's boobies or fecophillia (I do not condone either of these activites and/or body parts).
20:17
If there is one thing this world is full of, it is boring people. Be an original.
19:06
20.10.02
SCORE!!! The strange thing was, on the way back from my success I saw Mr Koons running before the sun had risen at 6am. On the roof I found a football, a golfball, three hackysacks, and a medley of tennis balls. I also saw a pair of rusty track spikes but didn't bring them back. I wanted to stay and watch the sunrise, but I was spotted by a person across the street so I ran.
06:26
19.10.02
My story is that of a boy, who is engaged in a struggle with himself over whether he should love or hate himself.
13:23
"Who's gonna be the odd man out? I wanna be the odd man out. Is this going to be the end? Or are you going to be...my new girlfriend" Props to old school blink! YEAH YEAH PROPS!!
11:57
I wish all of my junior friends fun at their psats. Don't worry grades and extra curicular activites are more important.
11:04
18.10.02
Due to me living in up state new york, I am slightly homophobic. To rid myself of this ignorance I want to get a gay friend. Plus, I could buy him a shirt that says, "The more I learn about men, the more I love my cat." Props to Justine..YEAH YEAH PROPS!!!
18:48
17.10.02
Come home darlin' all is forgiven so come home quickly
06:17
"put on whatever makes you attractive..if not for you for the sense of fashion...your friends like a certain you, that's who you've got to be...I'm startin' to think that I'm kinda shy, or at least I'd like to be. Winter legs give me heart attacks so take it off with lasers so it never grows back. Then we can pretend it's natural." ~Pedro the Lion "When they really get to know you they will run"
06:11
boring, it's boring around here...
06:06
16.10.02
Killin' squirrels is a crime, and I am a criminal.
22:04
The more I think about her, the more I love her and hate myself. I hate myself because she hates me. She doesn't hate me for who I am. She might even love me for who I am if she didn't hate me for what I symbolize. To her I am proof of all within her that she detests; all the lust, impulses, dishonesty, sin, and lies; every bit of pleasure and joy in her otherwise heretical exsistance that has ever been able to excite her palid soul into a frenzy of sparkles and light.
I flatter myself.
17:34
buy my goats' cheese!
17:26
14.10.02
pps~ The score is Neal ~ 5, Evil people who control all the signs in the world ~ circa 89 humptabillon and 34 millthousand squirillions
22:06
If Mother=Evil and Satan=Evil then Mother=Satan. Logic is wonderfull but not as wonderfull as fat free ice cream and cinnamon gum. Words of wisdom...college application is hell, get it done as soon as possible and never spend 3 days in a car with your mother, no matter how drugged you are you will regret it. I am glad to be home. Not glad to not be away from mother, but it could be worse: a woman could cut off my pe....z collection and throw it out of the window of a moving vehicle. I miss you guys that read this. I wish you'd crash into my house right now on vines and kick my mother outside to do my homework whilst we party on down. If you understand that last sentence at all you know me too well and must now flee the country. Things of fleeting interest ~ succeeding in life (financially), I have converse all-star shoes!!! (made it america), but they are green (blah! green = satan), from now on I will say "holy satan" as my expression of surprise, and I am throughly absorbed in Ayn Rand's book The Fountainhead I love you all. If you ever are on the run from the signpolice and need a place to hid you can always kick my dad out of my sister's room and live with me. Love, Neal ps. I am very loving right now.
22:04
9.10.02
If nadka was a sauce she'll be cocktail sauce because she's foreign and I like all spicy things except radishes. Radishes are nasty, but not horseradish or wasabi. Wasabi is great! Now that I think of it people are too picky and dumb. Hence the ending of my typing.
21:55
8.10.02
Something about puddles at night attracts me
It could be how they shimmer and flicker in the streetlights but I think it is something deeper, darker, souless
The darkness is more absolute than anything else
Darker than your eyelids when you curl up in your cozy bed with your many familiar smelling pillows and blankets
Warm soft cotton
It is an otherworldly darkness. Seemly void, the darkness actually moves. It sways, flickers like pitch black plumes of hellfire. As I pass by them in the night I fear that one of these flames will reach out, slither around my ankle and rip me from this world, leaving nothing but my shadow behind me to wander about in the dark of night for the rest of enternity.
06:01
6.10.02
It is impossible to love others when one hates themself. I dislike some things about myself. I hope I don't hate myself.
16:53
I am a stronger man by far. I have power in me yet. My race is not yet run!
11:52
Look down look down upon your fellow man...
11:42
I feel different. I have never felt like this before. Is it jealously? Is it love? Is it just another emotion stronger than ever before? And who and why? time to start studying psychology more.
11:41
3.10.02
Harold loves Maude
21:12
(I apoligize beforehand to juliana theory for blatently stealing their melody for my poem)
Did you really think that this was over?
When you said, "We'll part,"
When you ripped out my beating heart
Did you really think that I was over?
When you left me here to die,
Somehow I stayed alive.
Did you really think that I hate you?
Despite your best attempts,
I can't hold you in contempt.
Can you believe that I still love you?
I'd give up all I have,
Just to know that you love me too.
21:12
|
|
| |
|
|
|
