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apathy is harder than it looks
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30.11.02
I can't wait until tommarow!!
J'aime baliancabe.
02:11
A long refreshing silence flowed through the air, breaking apart all the tension the honks, beeps, and screeches of the day had gathered in me until she walked in. Her fake, cheap, plastic shoe soles slapped the floor and sent flagrant echos flying about the room. Her talking was completely unnessary. I already know what she had to say by looking at her. Her terse lips were pursed as if they were the top of a drawstring bag that had been yanked something horrible. They seemed ready to kiss someone, or suck out his soul. Everything in how she moved was tense. Her moves were restricked by the tight black bag she wore. She came up and started to move those lips. I couldn't pull together what she was saying for I was focused on the edges of her lips flaunt themselves and become sucked back in. Suddenly, I knew why she was really there: she had come pack only to test me, to see if I was suffering, and if she could make me suffer more.
02:09
Ghetto Neal story alert!!!
The following is an only literary work done by me in super-depressed mode. I like it so I am putting it up. It is from Febuary of 2002.
I wish I was human, and not a goddamn snowflake. But hey, you always want what you can't have. Lying there staring into the lonely blue. A light post reaches out, craning its neck as far as it can and then exploding with a bright orange bulb that cast its hue upon everything it can. Snowflakes pass over me as I lie prone, motionless, and silent. Next to me lies my sister with her eyes shut. We are at peace. If the light weren't there I wouldn't be able to see the snowflakes on her. They pass through the light briefly as the wind pushes them forward on their seemly random, jumbled paths. Before they pass through they are invisible, as good as non-existant, and then once the ext the boundries of the light they are as good as dead. Snowflakes passing on their transient worthless lives. No pattern. On their way to become something bigger: an unseen field of white glistening in the light. I cannot see it for I like upon my back, but I know it is there nonetheless And I am please that I am myself and not some goddamn snowflake.
01:59
It sucks when you leave your journal out where people can read it. It sucks even more when you find it several days later with bookmarks in it. Of course I am exagerating. There was only one bookmark. BUT IT WAS AT A VERY PRIVATE PART! Ahhh I'm glad I ripped out parts of it already. Two days ago, at thanksgiving dinner, my grandma mentioned that she had already burned some of her journals so no one would see them. It was needless to say very intriging. My grandma kicks.
01:50
must perambulate....
01:45
The night was stale and bitter, much like his breath.
01:44
I miss not being sick.
01:43
props to cailin! woo woo props!!
01:43
I despise the mall with all of my being. Thank you tyler for keeping me sane.
01:43
28.11.02
Everyone makes mistakes. An elite few make disasters.
00:26
The only thing she hated more than her inflanted sense of self-importance was her deluded sense of humility.
00:24
You give me nothing for nothing.
I get crap anyway.
You still cling to something
that I'll never say.
You'll get nothing for nothing
expect no less
You can try to get something
just be my guest
00:23
I'll remember you when I've fallen down.
You'll stick in my mind when I'm underground.
00:19
An expert at lying to himself, he felt no pity.
00:16
He thought too much. He never really felt anything, but instead listened too much to one or two people and did what they told him. He wasn't a criminal for having the wrong feelings. He was wrong because he trusted others to supply them. An unemotional person is weak. Movies lie. They show unemotional people as the strong ones, those people who can defy morals and do as they please as they walk over anyone they want. This is a lie. These tyrrants are very emotional. Their emotion is strongly focused on being tightly formed. Emotionless folk feel no desire, thus they can be pushed anyway someone would like to see them go. Even if it is off a cliff.
00:14
He sat crumpled into the corner like a mangled car wreck. Books were strewn about him like shards of glass. Some dug into him and lasted. Others were forgotten, were merely singular blows to his being.
00:08
26.11.02
I don't need you.
18:41
24.11.02
nuke cilray
21:05
I run.
09:45
She slid into his life at a pivitol moment. He had just begun to fall into the archetypal teenage delusion of invincibility when she came and complicated everything. It was as if he had been sitting, staring at a Magic eye for sixteen years, never seeing anything except for blobs of incongruous color. Suddenly, she burst from the familiar fields of sploches, taking a form he never could have imagined. He had expected to see nothing but outline of figures; hidden two dimensional drawings. Instead he found an entire new dimension, opening his eyes to an incredible world, full of fear and wonder.
09:45
An army of squirrels is still an army.
09:40
I put glycerin in my hair. It is icky. Ick.
09:36
21.11.02
dignity has done nothing but oppressed anyone weak enough to stoop to it
20:22
moo cows go moo moo
20:15
here the goose is cooked
here the fat is fried
and nothing's overlooked 'till I'm satisfied
Yo soy el happy-little-center-of-the-universe. Fear me!
And yes some dreams come true. And yes some dream fall through. But the time has come for us to say goodbye....
Brian ~ rock out to dysentery gary by blink ~ you'll feel better
20:13
17.11.02
beautiful music ~ adagio for strings by Samuel Barber (It is in the awesome movie Platoon) and F**king in the Bushes by Oasis (It is in the awesome movie Snatch)
17:33
16.11.02
One of the best things about being in love is just being there next to her, inhaling her, and getting high off of her. Your hopes, dreams, and fears all intermesh in defiance of the cold, forbiding world. You are two souls united in celebration and nothing else matters.
11:21
15.11.02
cailin cailin she's so fine
she's so fine she's gonna smack my mind
and the rest of my head up against the pavement when I play her in manhunt
Love,
Neal
17:24
14.11.02
there is only one way to solve this: to stop thinking
20:51
you can tell I am spending much time at home or have a lot of homework to do when I am writing often in my journal
17:17
sore losers win the next time
17:15
Calvin: Hi Mom! I'm making my own newspaper to report the events of our household.
Mum: That's nice.
Calvin: Now I'm looking for a page one lead story. Can I interview you?
Mum: Sure
Calvin: OK, what are you cutting up there for dinner?
Mum: Fish
Calvin: KNIFE WELDING MOTHER HACKS ICHTHYOID! GRIM MELEE IS EVENING RITUAL! SUBURBAN FAMILY DEVOURS VICTIM!
Mum: Out of the kitchen! Out! Out!
17:07
Calvin: Moe, I was wondering something. Are your maladjusted antisocial tendencies the product of your berserk pituitary gland?
Moe: What?
Calvin: Isn't he great, folks? Let's give him a big hand!
17:07
Dad: "Once upon a time..."
Calvin: Hold it. This story doesn't have any shoot-ups in it, does it?
Dad: You mean guns? No.
Calvin: Any violence at all?
Dad: Um... not really.
Calvin: Any reference to satanism? Any profanity? Any car chases? Any lewd parts?
Dad: Of course not!
Calvin: What makes you think I'll like this?
17:03
psuedo-wisedom: (c'mon, what kind of seventeen year old is wise?!)
Only people without them call them vainity plates.
The only thing that distiguishes us from the animals is our weird crazy acts of weirdness... and our redundancy.
FEED THE NEED!!!!
16:55
smackety smack smack! oh, kudos to blong for street fighter ref. I wish him much safe sex.
16:51
i AM a sore loser.
16:50
10.11.02
melancholy satisfaction
18:07
8.11.02
screamofmaddeningsplattersonthewall
grabaglassvasedropitbreakitfall
ripapartthecurtainsdigupthefloor
throwchairsthroughthewindowsandkickoutthedoor
axeapartappliancessplinterssmackingshatter
tossmyselfupontheflooragainstwallsmyselfbatter
life is hell and not much fun
when I miss my daily run
20:15
Mr Moore quotes:
yestaurday: "It took someone like the great Neal Yurick to straighten me out."
today: "Hopefully no one will do what Neal just did."
20:11
Cailin...oh how you tempt me,
oh how you tease,
oh how you bring me down on my knees.
I'm sorry for not being a better person for you.
Be merciful please.
20:08
7.11.02
For your viewing pleasure I have changed the number of posts shown to be all of those from the last three years. Ciao!
17:46
In my math class, we have a goal each day written on the board. Today, there hadn't been one written yet so I took the opportunity to write, "Determine if there is free will." We did nothing for the remainder of class. It was beautiful.
17:22
6.11.02
the meek shall never inherit the earth. for the instant they would, they will become meek no longer.
20:30
Time travel. If it is possible we should have seen people from the future already. Why haven't we? Maybe we are just not that interesting. Maybe we have seen them. Maybe they have ways of cloaking themselves. Maybe the world ends before it can be developed. Maybe it is so far off in the future what happens now is irrelevant and boring. Maybe there are much more wonderous items to be had in the future so we seem poor to them. Maybe people have actually become content in the future with what they are, when they are, where they are, who they are, and what them have. Maybe not.
20:27
Happiness is still possible and likely. I have had the most wonderfull environment and for this I love my parents.
20:22
People are nothing but a collection of their genetics and environmental experiences. Therefore, a master plan is possible and religion impossible. Salvation is impossible when the game to be played has allready been plotted out.
20:19
There is no such thing as free-will. It is simply a excuse invented to prevent complete and utter despair.
20:18
Christianity is a contradiction. It does pack the rightious message of altruism yet the genius Jesus hath brough has been exploited by generation upon generation of clergy. The existance of the soul and the need for self-salvation is a regression when the religion had come so close to the true beauty that is selflessness. Only in a selfless state is one truely spirtually fufilled. If maturity is self-restraint, ultimate and absolute self-restraint and depravement is absolute maturity on the temporal level as well and the spritual. Buddhism is the sole school of thought I see as near the true goal of self-denial, but like any other worldy institution of man this school of thought has its own purpose, it's own selfish reason for being. If I want to walk the path to enlightenment I must do so alone.
20:17
To be happy, one does not need to have a member of the opposite sex to love. Loving one's family will suffice.
20:10
If man believes in anything, it is himself.
20:10
3.11.02
the world is a funny place until it is laughing at you...
20:05
2.11.02
and yet the free prostitution goes on...
16:36
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