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apathy is harder than it looks
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29.1.03
oh running, as fire tempers the sword you temper my soul
23:15
anyone could've broken my heart and made me hate her for it, but only you could've told me the truth and made me hate myself
19:33
28.1.03
Today...was awesome. Not only did I read a new dave barry article on lord of the rings and nearly laugh my head off, but I also did well on my bio midterm and got an amazing magic card. Ahhh. For a good time download "nothing gets crossed out" by bright eyes.
00:33
You taste like a drug.
I burn when you hug.
I blaze in your eyes,
behind all your lies.
00:30
25.1.03
Stupidity is inherited. Ignorance is learned.
00:12
22.1.03
How appropriate... I have just rediscovered a poem I wrote a while ago for a profile... it is very relevant to my life to say the least...
Yesterday I remembered
the taste of your mouth,
the scent of your lips,
the perfume of kiss.
And I knew
in spite what you do,
although we are through,
I still love you.
18:49
"Even a blind squirrel can sometimes find a nut"
Mr Black
16:36
20.1.03
Dear God ~ XTC
Dear God,
hope you got the letter, and...
I pray you can make it better down here.
I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer
but all the people that you made in your image, see
them starving on their feet 'cause they don't get
enough to eat from God, I can't believe in you
Dear God, sorry to disturb you, but... I feel that I should be heard
loud and clear. We all need a big reduction in amount of tears
and all the people that you made in your image, see them fighting
in the street 'cause they can't make opinions meet about God,
I can't believe in you
Did you make disease, and the diamond blue? Did you make
mankind after we made you? And the devil too!
Dear God, don't know if you noticed, but... your name is on
a lot of quotes in this book, and us crazy humans wrote it, you
should take a look, and all the people that you made in your
image still believing that junk is true. Well I know it ain't, and
so do you, dear God, I can't believe in I don't believe in
I won't believe in heaven and hell. No saints, no sinners, no
devil as well. No pearly gates, no thorny crown. You're always
letting us humans down. The wars you bring, the babes you
drown. Those lost at sea and never found, and it's the same the
whole world 'round. The hurt I see helps to compound that
Father, Son and Holy Ghost is just somebody's unholy hoax,
and if you're up there you'd perceive that my heart's here upon
my sleeve. If there's one thing I don't believe in
it's you... Dear God.
15:53
good band name ~ the electrified lawn-gnomes
11:59
She kept skimming the surface ever so fearfully, like a pilot of a landing pontoon plane who thinks she has a loose pontoon. Screw it, she thought and thrust the controls violently down, down to him, in. He had always been there, blue, lapping at her feet as she walked along ignoring him, instead staring off into the blazing sun. But now they were together at last.
11:57
movies may appear to be an antisocial activity at first...but when they are viewed with someone else they become method of comparing one viewer to another and instilling morals. for example, if you are a child and watching a movie with your mother in which a deer dies and your mother responds by crying you will learn that this is what you are socially expected to do and will emulate her. It feels weird to be watching a movie and see everyone around you laugh at something that is not funny.
11:44
19.1.03
Well...you might as well kick me in the junk and call me susan...
19:57
people are constantly changing who they are. there is no such thing as a definite personality for each moment it is something different. right now I am a curious but slightly angry boy
19:45
of course this supposition against true love doesn't mean people can't stay together under other separate self-serving alterior motives, but where is the love?
00:12
over a long enough period of time, everyone becomes tiresome to be around, even oneself. therefore, even if one was to live forever, the human tendency to grow sick of being around people would cause this invicible person to grow weary of themselves and they would become suicidal. also, because people will get sick of each other, there cannot be such a feeling as true love. the supposed couple in love would eventually get sick and tired of the person he or she is with and never want to see them again.
00:10
18.1.03
I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
Ride into the sun
She never loved me
She never loved me
She never loved me
Why should anyone?
~"get free" vines
10:35
16.1.03
SMACK! : me new word favorite
18:40
15.1.03
People's brains are stupid. They see only what they want to see. For example, with florescent lights your brain will tell you that they are constantly on when they are actually only flickering on and off so rapidly you can't tell the difference. What if your brain saw the world in an opposite manner; a world in which it was always dark.. That dark is always there whether you see it or not. This is why I hate florescent lights.
18:32
14.1.03
Iggy is the man!
22:12
His eyes swallowed her like hot coals; the very sight of her seared through his flesh so he could cast his eyes upon no other. Fire emanated down and then out, coursing through his veins and his blood until finally bursting into his heart and incinerating it in a crescendo of pain and passion. It was love at first sight.
22:12
I see a red door....
21:56
I can't get no..... no no no......
21:56
12.1.03
death of life
end of time
you'll get yours
I'll have mine
we'll slip away
fade at last
out of reach
out of grasp
18:51
I disavow any credit for that last quote. I liked it so much I had to plagiarize.
18:50
"If you were homework, I'd be doing you right now"
18:49
today on neal's life we pay a visit to brian's life. don't forget your cameras. now follow along and click the weblink here
18:46
11.1.03
I am exceedly happy right now because I got to talk to Cailin for once. It is refreshing to know someone devout in his or her morals. It restores your faith in mankind and yourself.
20:16
9.1.03
Deaf G!!! Those are me days of rehersal! What rehersal? Dude, I'm in Les Miserables. I'm a lowly chorus member. It could be worse; I could be a tree.
22:38
when you need love, do not take it. when you have love, give it away. when you don't have love, be patient, it will come.
22:28
he had become so lonely that he had entered a stage in which he made love to his food. hugging pillows just didn't cut it anymore. nothing could now compare to the warm salty satisfaction of chicken soup with rice. it was as salty as a lover's lips and as warming as a hug. a souless hug. a hug of death. a chicken had died to give him what was frothing inside of his mouth. a real kiss is very much alive, full of nervousness and excitement. he stopped. he swallowed. the soup sunk in him like a prisoner in a slave labor camp sinks into his bed at the end of the day. the death invaded his stomach and from there, his soul.
22:26
Of course I'm insecure about myself and thus need the approval others. Everyone does... right?
01:52
I'd fancy a hug.
01:50
His parents passed through a stage in which they took turns diagnosing each other. At first she was bipolar; then he was obsessive complusive; soon she had a boarderline personality syndrome and he was neurotic. But regardless of how they said it, they both were geniunely sick people.
01:50
If you focus on avoiding death, you will also avoid life.
01:45
7.1.03
Dude...
Her scarf à la Bardot,
In sùede flats for the walk,
She came with me one evening
For air and friendly talk.
We crossed the quiet river,
Took the embankment walk.
Traffic holding its breath,
Sky a tense diaphragm:
Dusk hung like a backcloth
That shook where a swan swam,
Tremulous as a hawk
Hanging deadly, calm.
A vacuum of need
Collapsed each hunting heart
But tremulously we held
As hawk and prey apart,
Preserved classic decorum,
Deployed our talk with art.
Our juvenilia
Had taught us both to wait,
Not to publish feeling
And regret it all too late-
Mushroom loves already
Had puffed and burst in hate.
So, chary and excited
As a thrush linked on a hawk,
We thrilled to the March twilight
With nervous childish talk:
Still waters running deep
Along the embankment walk.
~ Twice Shy
18:09
Long time I have slumbered...
05:29
6.1.03
There are better excuses... like bowling
01:31
sex is nothing but an excuse for love
01:30
Pete Yorn
Title: For Nancy
Album: Musicforthemorningafter
And when you said I could not stay with you
That's not the way you would have wanted to be
Convince yourself that everything is alright
'Cos it already is
Don't sell your heart and break just anyone
I want to run with you through moorland fields
Convince yourself that everything is alright
'Cos it already is
'Cos it already is
So take your lessons hard and stay with him
When your car crash comes, don't be misled
Convince yourself that everything is alright
'Cos it already is
'Cos it already is
So take your lessons hard and stay with him
And when your car crash comes, don't be misled
Convince yourself that everything is alright
'Cos it already is
Yeah it already is
01:30
When people screw up, do not be apt to blame them. Remember we live in an individualistic society that places blame on certain people more than the circumstances and we can often go too far in our assumptions when the people really have no responsibilty for what happened to them.
01:15
nothing is as scary as silence
01:13
routine is bad for you
01:12
5.1.03
Ahh chaos...can't hate it, can't live without it
12:55
4.1.03
LOVE
IS
ENOUGH
01:01
Dear God:
I love snowdays...almost as much as her... almost
love,
Neal
00:47
"Oh..the snowball's cancelled...hmm....I'll just hang out with my friends....Oh...my friends can't hang out with me...oh well....."
"Neal, you seem to be handling this very well," naively comments my mother.
"I'LL EAT YOU ALLL" screams Neal as he throws himself out the window.
00:47
Life is short. Go out and find a short someone...
00:42
One of the primary causes of hate, violence, and greed is the illusion of ownership. In reality, no one owns anything. It is only a matter of how much people use items and when they die, they are unable to "own" anything or use anything. "Own" is the absolute of use. Own means to have absolute power to use something. Absolutes are wrong because we live in such an unabsolute universe. If there is one useful bit of knowledge life has taught me it is that there is always an exception. Nothing is black and white. People who use absolutes are as foolish as those who think the tobacco paraphilnalia shop on mainstreet that sells bongs does not also sell marjuana. Anyway, my point is, people are incapable of owning anything so give up material possessions.
00:42
3.1.03
say ten?
13:31
Comment vous sentez-vous ce apres-midi?
Je sens coquin et plein d'energie.
13:30
2.1.03
The following is my favorite piece I have ever written. I wrote it before I ever fell in love for the first girl ever to break up with me. This point has passed. I think the girl laughed at it. I'm not sure, but whatever was her response I remember it hurt. I dedicate this to anyone who as ever had his or her heartbroken.
When I think of beratement,
When I'm dead on the pavement,
I'll think of you.
I'll think of you.
I crawed on my knees.
You did as you pleased.
I'm thinking of you.
What did we do?
You said you loved me...
You lied
I brought you roses...
You cried
I gave you my heart and was still cast aside...
When I think of boredom,
When I am postmortem,
I'll think of you.
I'll think of you.
I was rejected.
I was neglected.
I'm thinking of you.
What did we do?
You said you loved me...
You lied
I brought you roses...
You cried
I did all I could and still was denied.
So maybe...
When I'm over you baby...
I'll think of you
God damn you.
22:15
someone took my star.
21:50
1.1.03
pinnapple!!!! props to pinnapple!!! woo woo props!!!
23:17
I could use a girlfriend to slap me for that last post.
23:10
okay enough of that.. my real resolution is to never flunk out of school even if beautiful women start throwing themselves over my calculus notebooks. (this has never happened, but I, being the internal optimist, think that it never will happen) ACKKK Sarcasm!! booooo
23:09
HEY POOR!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE JESUS!!!!
23:06
I guess my new years resolution is to alternate sensical and nonsensical entires....
23:05
ZOO HEVIN!!!!
23:04
Ahh the tradition of WBER top 30 countdown...I have fond memories of the last two years in which I have written down massive amounts of cool songs on it. Ahhhhhhh
23:04
wow school tomarrow. I am bugging out.
Ici un crazy story Je suis ecrive. I am sorry if I disturb any people, but it was fun to write.
He was a smart boy, but He ate people anyway. It began as a battle, a way to kill his conscience. He learned at a young age that the expectations of others manifested and realized by his conscience were the forces keeping him from happiness and inflicting guilt upon him. He wanted to be happy with bounds so He immediately set to work killing his conscience. He started with petty crimes: burglary and assault and eventually worked his way up to murder and finally cannibalism. He would travel around big cities hunting for prey. Prostitutes usually. People society doesn’t miss much sort of like him. He tried a lawyer once just to amuse himself, but the covering up was too much to trouble to ever handle again. Then the police got on his tail. To him it really didn’t matter. They were just more people trying to tie him down into the harness that “normal” life. He avoided them in his usual masterful way. He simply wanted to be rid of them and lead out his life happily. When the trail became too hot, He had to go to Mexico. He loved it in Mexico. The pool of possible victims was much larger as there were more destitute people there.
He also loved the thrill of the hunt; stalking a person all night until that one moment when He would decide whether to let them go or move in for the kill, almost as much as He loved that look of desperation in his victims’ eyes. It was beautiful how people would retain hope that someone would burst in and save him until the very last instant when the knife would dig into his throat. He loved people. He only killed them out of his love for them. He was letting them go, helping them escape from this world in which they have no choice, but to suffer under their own guilt. Though He loved people, He did not expect to love him back. He was a realist. He knew what He did was inexcusable for most of the poor ignorant people and that they were utterly incapable of even smiling at him, unless of course He was sitting in an electric chair.
One day, shortly after returning to the US after a particularly gruesome spree in Mexico, He was sitting in a small diner outside of Austin drinking coffee when He saw her. Propped behind the counter stood the waitress. Her hair dangled down around her face; two separate blond strands outlined a halo. They clung slightly to her face since She glowed in a light sweat from working in the kitchen, comparable to that one gets when one partakes in a brief pickup basketball game or midday sex. She was dusted with dirt except in a few places where her golden skin shone through like a neglected, tarnished trophy that had its beauty overlooked. Her skin was not yet wrinkled, but folded, however age was irrelevant. The pure, untainted magnificence in her features clearly transcended time and She always had been and always will be beautiful. She refilled his cup, briefly catching a smile out of the corner of his mouth. Their eyes hooked each other and for a moment they stood in each other’s skins staring back at themselves and grinning. They leaned forward. Her hands planted themselves on the burning hot cooking range; his searing coffee spilled onto his lap. Neither flinched. Their lips met for a moment: nothing more than a soft caress. The smell of burning flesh crept up and slowly flooded the room. He dropped several dollars on the counter and hastily departed.
That night, She killed more gruesomely than ever before. She was fighting that something inside of her that said they may never love each other. Losing him to the world is the only way She could ever feel pain again.
Her hands stung. She had gone into shock and had to go to the hospital for 4 hours to be checked on. As soon as they let her go She found her victim. Some old derelict woman She had found barely a block from the hospital asleep, rotting in the filth of the gutter in front of the school for the blind. She had nothing against this woman or her kind. It needed to be done and no one would miss her. She hastily dragged the woman over the slimy curb and into a just as dank alley. From the wall She ripped a television cable. Four stories up, a fifty-year-old man, mottled and gray, cussed as the football game he was watching went to static. The old woman, groggily and barely out of consciousness went spastic as She tightened the cord about the homeless woman’s neck. Suddenly She let it drop. The cord had dug too deeply into her wounds and She had to let go. The old women fell sideways gargling, gasping, spitting for air, but she would get none. Her trachea had been smashed in. Even if she had air she would soon drown in her own blood. Regardless, She was far too impassioned from her earlier encounter. She thought that he might be one of them: those other inhabitants of the world that are just fitting in, doing as they are told and not how they feel. She thought he might be like this old woman; ignorant to what she really wants, a slave of society. “Screw society,” She muttered as she tore the pipe from the wall. A few sickening whacks latter, the old woman was dead; her head smashed in. She let the pipe clatter down in the pool of blood and calmly wandered out the alley, her jeans soaked with blood.
As soon as She opened the door something felt different. It smelled different in her apartment. She was not afraid. She was never afraid. Fear was one of their emotions. She felt nothing but pleasure now. She confidently began wandering around the house searching for this strange being and there He was: smiling in the dark glimmer of her bedroom. She walked straight for him like a cat stalking its prey. His eyes didn’t deter from her face even though both her hands and pants were bloodily smeared. They calmly wrapped themselves about each other slowly, self-assured. One look into his eyes and She knew that She was safe and in love.
23:02
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO TO BED!!! I'M A RESPECTABLE AMERICAN CITIZEN!!!!
23:01
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