|
"
apathy is harder than it looks
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
25.8.03
the door slammed shut, sealing the airplane's occupants in like peas in a tupperware container. no one noticed there imprisonment. the crew was busy distracting them with the emergency procedures much like a magician decieves his audience with a few grandiose gestures. the blaring pa system overpowered the roar of the motors and any thoughts of the passengers to inform them that the airline they are flying on is so wonderful as to allow them to purchase liquor without any tax they are over international waters. over the next twelve hours the passenger endure bad movies, toxic food consisting of a cube of fat and several other non-filling items, and farts that recirculate through the air system.
This is an account of my flight back from japan. I hate long plane trips!
a simple rule for being a flight attendent on a overseas flight to ensure that the passengers plot to kill you:
Walk down the aisle for ten minute intervals spaced just far apart enough to ensure that no one falls asleep. As you walk carry with you a jug of green urine proclaiming "japanese tea" in your most patronizing disgrunted voice. Be sure that each assertion of the fact that you are carrying hot seaweed-colored urine is a separate attempt to get the passenger to submit to your will and allow you to violently pour the boiling urea into your stomach via your nasal cavities. If no nasal cavities can be found, the passenger is most likely suffering from excessive consumption of airline food or "crap cakes" syndrome, in which the afflicted slowly gain weight until they lose all facial features and ultimately drown in their own fatty tissues. In case of crap cakes syndrome, the urine may be poured in an ear.
17:33
|
|
| |
|
|
|
